On the brink

Right now I am typing as quietly as possible, because you see I am trapped (yes, trapped) in a hotel room with my son - who has not been sleeping regularly in DAYS (can you feel my stress just dripping off these keys? No? Well, then, I will continue.) You see, right now he is screaming his head off because he sees me when he stands up in the pack n play. So, not only am I doing everything quietly, (which can make even the most normal person go slightly insane after awhile) but I am ducking and dodging his eyes and practically crawling on the floor army style so he won't see me. All the while I am listening and internalizing the infernal and ceaseless screaming. Every once in a while he slows up, falls down, buries his head in the sheet, and begins to seem to fall into night-night land...and as hopes rise, something happens (toilet flush, cough, unzipping suitcase)...and we start OVER!

So, what are you doing on your lovely Saturday morning? I'll bet it is not as adventurous and harrowing as what we are doing. I mean, come on, we are literally living on the treacherous line between slightly crazy and INSANE! Tip-toeing around, whispering, CRAWLING ON THE FLOOR...rolling our eyes at the stupidity of it all, and giving each other the evil eye of death if one so much as walks heavy...yes sir, we love adventure in the Ray family. We know we are really getting gutsy when one of us dares turn on the tv real low...whoa!

Ok- I know you may think I am crazy, but through all our transitions and such, Brody's sleep gets messed up and we basically start over with a new pattern and routine, and it takes him awhile to get adjusted. He really sleeps well most of the time, which is why I am able to write this post without crying. I know this will pass. But when I take time to pretend I am someone else looking in at my life, I am able to see the humor in it, which is a good thing; it keeps me from giving up. And I try to capture it as best I can in words. For you. So, what I am saying is, enjoy our pain, please. It's therapeutic. And, we will have a good laugh when I see you again. Have a great day.

ps - my husband is daring to open the door to go outside and check out the snow...risking the fact that Brody just fell asleep...are you on the edge of your seat yet? well, you will have to find out next time what happens...

thought for your week

from the Ortlund blog, written by Ray Ortlund, Jr.


"I prefer to focus on the Glory in Christian people rather than the weakness of the jars that contain the Glory. The ordinariness of our clay is obvious; the presence of the Glory is amazing." 2 Corinthians 4:7

we are still here

well, life has been fast and furious over the past couple months...don't know where the time has gone. brody and i were up in nc for 3 weeks, going here, there, everywhere. adam has been in illinois and will continue to work up there until dec. 21st. brody and i are planning on going up there for his last 2 weeks...and hopefully help our devoted husband/dad stay refreshed and motivated to the finish of his project. we are traveling to raleigh for christmas, making a stop in augusta to see a good friend of ours tie the knot, and then back to moultrie. all in all, we may have spent more time out of town than in town since we moved here. i am ok with the travel, but brody's sleeping has been crazy, and we both suffer when that happens. i have been trying not to be stressed when brody fights naps and wakes up a hundred times a night, but my sleep-deprived body sometimes can't take it. but, brody has been such a great trooper through all of the transitions that i really can't complain a whole lot. well, i will leave you with some pics, and the best intentions that one of us will write more soon.

Life of Brody

I know that it seems at times that all we do is sit around and take pictures of our son...and sometimes that is sadly the truth. he is just so fun and cute! but, i am trying to do better with the "out and about" shots. i have never been good about that. i am just too busy enjoying what we are doing to think about where the camera is, and sticking it in everyone's face and asking them to smile. but, i am vowing improvement, as it makes for a better blog (and, come on, isn't that what life is really about?), and i have much better memories on record. so, without further dialogue, here are more pics of the B-man doing funny and cute things. and hang on, people, for more action in the future. i promise you that we do leave the house on occasion.


so - what are we looking at? well, i went in to check on Brody during a nap, and could not help but capture the blanket-over-the-head look. i do check his breathing pretty regularly...i have had my moments of parental panic at the site of that...


It's Bathtime...in the kitchen sink! He has loved splashing and playing with BeBeep (that is his grandma) in the non-backbreaking makeshift bathtub.



And we are eating...at the table! Like everyone else! yeah!! Except, I do not don a Dr. Seuss bib for my meals...



And, finally, his cousin Betsy lovin' on him...he has soaked up the attention he has been getting in Moultrie.

5 months

well, the Ray's are a-movin' and a-shakin'... some of us by choice - others of us are left to catch up. we made it to Moultrie and are now somewhat settled in.



As we have been busy with new surroundings, Adam with his new job, new schedules,new cell phone numbers, etc., Brody has also been busy with new things as well. He is now sitting up like it's nothing, and up on all fours as of yesterday.

He is busy indeed. and my supervision of his activities has increased a notch or two. no more leaving the room for "just a sec" to find the phone, get the laundry, use the bathroom...yup- we are more attached than ever. he actually fell off the bed last week, so i have become insanely aware of his new abilities and am adjusting to them. It does help immensely to have extra help - the Ray family has been a Godsend for me. I find myself wondering how we do it without an extra set of hands.

i wanted to post a few pictures from the past month, the first is Brody at his grandpa's...




can you tell he is mesmerized by the guitar? no? really?






and his chance in the spotlight...picture with the beautiful bride:





ignore the red eye please, we are trying to practice patience, yall, NO NEW CAMERA UNTIL CHRISTMAS!



we also went on out friends' boat one last time before leaving...and Brody got his first shot in it:






and we have one tired pup...long days on the water will do that to ya.



and we have our favorite captain Dave to thank...we miss him and his family already...








Brody has been immersed into the social realms of Moultrie - all his family has come to visit. He has been aptly social - as social as a non-talker can be i suppose. in any case, he enjoys the attention of his extended family - especially his cousins. he just stares and smiles at them - he loves being with the "big boys". i will show pictures when i can - once again i refer you to the camera problems.

well, more of our life as it happens...just wanted everyone to know we are alive and well in south georgia.

804 days

804 days from the day we arrived to the day we leave. I don't know what to call the 804 days. A vacation? a detour? a time of growth? a time to learn about the depths of our character? a time in paradise or a time in Hell on earth? mid-life crisis? an escape from reality? a play time? I have no idea. So right now it's just 804 days.

I'm very excited about starting my engineering job. I had thought my engineering career was over because of my arms. My arms are a lot better, but they still cause me a "little" pain. Monday, the 24th, Brody's 5th month, I'm actually flying up to Washington, DC to have the National Institute of Health (NIH) to see if they can help. Thanks to my loving mother who has persisted that I go for almost 4 years now.

The company that hired me is Heatcraft. They are a part of Lennox(the air conditioner people). Heatcraft makes the condensers for walk in freezers, warehouses, and large stores like Wal-Mart. A condenser is the part of the air conditioner that sits outside your house and you see them on top of buildings.

Anyway I'm real excited about moving close to family and letting Brody grow up knowing everybody, BUT! I'm really sad to be leaving the keys. I love the big water, but it's not going anywhere, so hopefully when Brody and our other kids "to be" get older we'll have a chance to live near the big water again. As far as being able to share my thoughts on leaving, well it's just too much. I'm actually trying not to think about it. CO says I'm walking around feeling sorry for myself or I'm suffering from acute depression. I'm sure I'll be able to express myself better on the subject later this year, during the COLD months. All I can say right now is;

"Brody, I'm sorry! I tried to let you grow up on the ocean, but circumstances just didn't permit it. But! you can cherish the fact that you got to know your family and you have the rest of your life to live on the big water. So stop wasting time, buy a sailboat and get out there, don't forget about your dad and grandad. You're now the 3rd generation of men who has wanted a life at sea. If you don't make it, just try to get a little closer than I did, and hopefully your son or his son will actually make it."

We are moving to Moultrie, Ga! Adam got the engineering job in Tifton and we will be living with his parents for the time being. His start date is October 1st - and we are moving September 23rd.

4 months

brody's 4 months marked much more activity and his emerging gentle personality. he has grown much more comfortable with people (ie - no more screaming when an old lady from church gets in his face). we have had an active social schedule this past month including a going away party, a wedding, visit with family, and church activities, and he has been a champ. he will attempt to stay up forever, so we as a household have adjusted ourselves this month. many parents out there may say "duh" to this, but brody does much better on a schedule. and we as new parents are evolving somewhat, and learning as we go. so, no "us" time until brody has been bathed, nursed, and is in his bed - usually around 8-8:30. and i have learned i must be persistent in this as he will try to convince me he has no need for sleep at that hour.

this month has marked a truce between brody and the carseat - no more endless screaming all the way to key west. and he also has decided that yes, he does like baths and no, he will not scream all through those either. i have also given up rocking him to sleep - he twists and turns and wiggles so much that i now just put him in his bed, pat him some, pick him up some, talk to him in his bed some...whatever i can do to coax him to sleep. despite some scream-fests and crazy days/nights, we do pretty good most of the time. sleep is just not always his favorite activity, despite my efforts to help him see all the benefits.

since i have decided to become the nap-nazi, he has gone to sleep much easier. his nap schedule is strange to me - 1 hour naps about 3-4 times a day, but works well with him. he is still sleeping in his hammock, but that is due to the fact that we have not bought him a crib yet. i could get into how absolutely difficult it is to get anything bought/shipped/ordered/etc down here on the edge of the planet, but it will only frustrate me more, so i will leave it at that.

he had his first beach day this past month, and he did well. he swam, and conked out. good times. he does love to swim - he has been several times now, however, the ocean is not his favorite water to be in.

mostly we have enjoyed lots of grinning, giggling, circular movements on the play mat/big towel, finger-sucking, drooling, rolling over, and just his sweet, sweet nature that comes out in all he does. he is such a joy to us, and we love to see his personality come out more an more every day.
so, onward we go, into the trials of teething (more on that in the next month post), solid foods, sitting up, etc...pile on top of that all our other drama, and you have a packed life. i suppose we wouldn't have it any other way.

just stuff

-We just got back from one of CO's best friends wedding in Raleigh. We drove up to Ft. Lauderdale and flew up to Raleigh. Brody did GREAT! The only time he really fussed was when he got hungry. Really hungry. Just like his parents. I'm going to calculate his travel miles one day. 5 flights, and 4 trips over 10 hours.

-The weekend before we drove to Moultrie for me to interview in Tifton and CO to interview in Tallahassee. CO was offered the job on the spot, but the money wasn't worth leaving Brody. Then we drove up to Augusta, Ga. for a farewell party for the Thompsons. They are going to England for 2-3 years. They hosted our wedding in their backyard and they were key players in bringing CO and I together. They are going to start a blog as soon as they get Internet hooked up. So everybody will get a chance to realize how special they are.

-I'm waiting on a offer from Heatcraft for a Manufacturing Engineer position in Tifton, Ga. They said it would be last Friday. We have stalled at a major fork in the road and don't know if we're going left or right. We do think it is time to leave the keys though, so no matter what Heatcraft says we'll probably leave in a month or 2.

-Nobody has even asked about the house yet. So we are going to talk to a real estate lawyer or a HUD person to understand the consequences of our options.

-I'm almost finished with the JJ dock, so I'll be loading some pics soon.

-Back to Brody. CO and I feel like celebrities when we are with Brody. He is so sweet in public and doesn't mind being held by everybody. People are amazed at how good he is and they instantly fall in love with his cuteness. God has really blessed us.

-I sold my motorboat. I'm sad, but I knew it had to be done. I still have my sailboat for a little while longer.

-We just celebrated our wedding anniversary #3. We decided to celebrate by getting ooked out on milkshakes from chik-fil-A (VERY GOOD, but too big). Then fly to south Florida to partake in a 3 hour traffic jam in Miami. Followed by a 3 hour road trip into the heart of the very scenic keys, at night. It was one to remember for the ages. AND a nice little reminder of our 1st 3 years together. 4 addresses, 6 different jobs, 5 hurricanes, 1 rabbit, 1 bird, 4 water crafts, 1 business, a blog site, the highest mortgage of anybody we know, a busted neck, a 3 month illness, 1 kitchen remodeling (without permission) , 1 pregnancy, and 1 very sweet and cute addition. Not to forget about all the unmentionables. "I love you baby"

-that's all "the stuff" for now.

$250,000,000

$250,000,000 or 1/4 Billion is a lot of money. I bought a lottery ticket the other day and that is the winning amount. I was flabbergasted! I don't follow the lottery and I hardly ever buy tickets. I usually buy them for the entertainment of thinking about what I would do with all that money. Great for 13 hour road trips. Anyway! when your expecting a simple little 10 million, it's a shock to see an exta zero. That's a BIG zero!

I know a lot of people who don't like the lottery and would never play it, because it is gambling and it has ruined a lot of people's lives. I totally respect that point of view, but God has given me the grace to play. But! there is 1 condition. I can only buy one. It's enough for the entertainment of "what if I win" and it's an exercise of my faith in God. People usually laugh at me when I tell them the second part, but it's true. I only buy 1 ticket, because that is all God needs to bless me financially. If I buy 2 then I'm sinning, because I'm taking matters into my own hands to increase my "chances". The fact of the matter is that the odds of winning is 50/50. Either it's God's will or not.

NOW let me tell you what I thought about for a day and a half when nothing else was going on.

Let's say I won $250,000,000!
let's subtract 40% for taxes, your left with $150,000,000.
that means you'll get $625,000 a month for 20 years.

If I believe in God and tithing and want to walk in faith. Well... that means my tithe will be $25,000,000. If I'm suppose to pay God's 10% first, then for the first 40 months, (3 years and 4 months), I'll have to give $625,000 to God's church. What a testimony of faith that would be. I'd be on Fox News for sure. Especially given our financial situation.

Of course I could give $62,500 every month for 20 years, if God didn't convict my heart to do the other. Not to mention it wouldn't be a cool story.

The other realization that occured to me is this.

Fact: God loves me more than I can possibly imagine. More than I love CO and Brody combined. I only want the best for them, so God is the same and then some.
Fact: God's wisdom is so great that we cannot even imagine improving his plan in the slightest detail. It's PERFECT!
Fact: God has the power to do anything his plan call for. His plan will be executed down to the smallest detail and nothing or nobody can even delay the process through resisting.
Fact: 250,000,000 million bucks is a lot of money and is a huge blessing. I would love to give that to those I love the most.
Fact: I have a chance to win 250,000,000 million bucks
Fact: If I win then it will be the absolute best thing that could happen to me according to God's plan.
Fact: If I don't win then it will be the absolute best thing that could happen to me according to God's plan.

Fact: If I don't win then God has something better than winning $250,000,000!

That's very exciting! That is realizing the kingdom of God in every situation. It's so hard for us to put God into perspective because He is simply too big, awesome, and good.

God's band aid.

School started Monday and I wasn't nervous at all. No anxiety about speaking in front of kids. No sleeping pills the night before. No dread of having to deal with disrespectful students. I didn't have to rehearse a plan of action for the multitude of possible testing situations caused by punks and princesses. Not to mention the monotony of doing the same thing 5 times a day. AND we can not forget saying "the instructions are on the board!" a hundred times a day after having already gone over them at the beginning of class.

Instead of doing the prescribed MADNESS only gifted humans can endure. I had a nice relaxed morning with my mom and Brody. I Fixed my lunch then drove to work with the smell of salt air and suntan lotion in my nose, the sight of the sun reflecting off the open ocean that was speckled with boats of all sorts, and the cool clean breeze blowing across the bridge as I approach work in my jeep.

Just about everybody gets there early so we can drink coffee and tell stories about the day before or casually start picking on somebody just to start the day laughing. We load up the truck and drive down to Key West, to the southernmost, southernmost house(not a typo). Its driveway is 20 feet from the southernmost point in North America. The line of tourists to take pictures in front of the bouy, that marks the point, usually extends out past the driveway. It's owned by the grandson of Johnson & Johnson. The company that made $54,000,000,000 BILLION! last year. I'm one of the 3 guys building their dock. I'll just say the place is nice and the view is very acceptable.

I really believe I would do this one job for free. I'm building North America's southernmost dock. I think that fits in nicely with swimming in the Amazon River, and hiking in the Sahara desert in the afternoon. And we are building it to withstand a big hurricane, hopefully. Murray, the owner of the place I work, likes to "over build". If a nail will work he'll put in a 1/2" stainless steel bolt, and then nail it. So! if this dock holds up when the big one hits, he'll have plenty of business. Mike, the guy that is in charge of building it, feels like this is the "flagship" dock for the company. To sum it up, I love it! Strong contrast to what I could have been doing on Monday at school.

Just goes to show you that God knows how to heal a broken soul. I would say not too many things make a man feel like a man more than:
"building something to withstand a huge force, over water, only to be used for enjoyment."

The analogy is too funny. I really felt like the MAN in me had been broken or wounded after having to deal with the situation at that school for 2 years. Now God is healing me by using a big "Johnson & Johnson" Dock. God is the great doctor of the soul.

News update:
I have a job interview with Heatcraft refrigeration products division in Tifton, Ga. Friday. CO has one in Tallahassee, Fl. on Friday also. So! we're going to Moultrie for the weekend. I'm real excited about the job, it's a mechanical engineer position that will double as a 2nd shift supervisor. A great opportunity! CO's job is for an environmental engineering company, and she is kinda excited, but nervous about not staying home with Brody. We will only accept one, but it'll be nice to have a choice and more important it'll be nice to feel wanted and valuable.

If I get the position and move to moultrie I'll miss the Keys terribly. BUT! the fact that I'll have my career back and we can be with my family outweighs my love for the keys. If it didn't, we wouldn't be moving. We will probably have to live with my parents until we sell the house, which is good and bad at the same time. We get along great with my parents, but we won't have "our" stuff, so it'll be difficult and could last a long time, so we'll need prayer to enjoy the situation and focus on the good not the bad.

Proclamation

I hate to write over the last post because I thought it was so good. But I'm drinking coffee and that is fuel for the expression side of my brain. CO didn't want to post the previous blog because it came from her diary and is so personal. But we believe this blog has turned into a way of holding ourselves accountable and proclaiming the goodness of God.

Everybody writes books and tells stories of how God helped them and blessed them through tough times AFTER the fact. We want to proclaim the goodness of God before the deliverance. It makes me wonder how much more interesting the story of Noah would be if it was his diary during the boat building years. And we all know life is about making great stories that gloriy God.

Anyway... this one verse has been stuck in my head for 5-6 years and has really been tattooed on my consciousness the past few weeks.

Listen to me, you islands. Pay attention, you people far away. Before I was born, the Lord chose me. While I was in my mother's womb, he recorded my name. He made my tongue like a sharp sword and hid me in the palm of his hand. He made me like a sharpened arrow and hid me in his quiver. He said to me, “You are my servant Israel. I will display my glory through you.” Isaiah 49:1-3 (God's Word)

This verse is for me as much as it was for anybody else in the past, present, and future. I know I'm not the Israel Isaiah knew when he prophesied this verse. But God knew I would be adopted into His family through Christ and therefore I believe I'm as much "Israel" as Israel himself. SO! that verse is for me and I claim it as MINE!

God will be gloried through me and my house one way or the other. We are simply being sharpened right now.

Iron on the wet stone, and it hurts like a mother. The English Standard Version says "a polished arrow". God's using some elbow grease with 200 grit sandpaper right now, but before he puts us in his quiver, we'll be ready to fly true and stick hard. When the time is right and that specific target walks out into the open. He'll simply draw us out, load us in his bow, breath in, breath out, release. After a nice solid "SWAK!" he'll sit back with a smile on his face and say 'Well done, good and faithful servant'.

Then we'll all go home and share amazing stories with each other around the bombfire... forever.

lots of playing, lots of smiling, and then down to the rough stuff

and now that you are enjoying the pics, on a more serious and deep note:

Will we stand with Paul? God says yes.

IRS says we owe $560 from 2005
We have run through our savings and cannot pay our mortgage anymore
We have no job prospects even though we have applied for tons of jobs
Brittan may have cancer - and we have no money to treat it
We have no health insurance - this is temporary, 3 more weeks
We ran over our minutes for Verizon…we owe $100 more this month
Our windshields are cracked – both of them
Our house is still not even close to being sold
BUT –

We have God… and He is far better than any of this.

“But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ – the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.
Ph 3:7-11

“The very credentials people are waving around as something special, I’m tearing up and throwing out with the trash- along with everything else I used to take credit for. And why? Because of Christ. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privelege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant – dog dung. I’ve dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ, and be embraced by him. I didn’t want some petty, inferior brand of righteousness that comes from keeping a list of rules when I could get the robust kind that comes from trusting Christ – God’s righteousness.”
Ph 3:7-9, The Message

Well, I am sure I have prayed for this to be done in my life, in fact, I know that I have prayed for a deeper understanding of what this verse looks like in my life. And, in thinking through all that has come about lately, I can’t help but think that God is teaching us about this verse, demanding that we put our money where our mouth is when it comes to faith. He wants us to own our faith, to be confident in who we believe in, regardless of the circumstances. He wants us to believe that when the world appears to come crashing down around us, we will be ok because he is our Provider and Protector. He wants us to throw away all we unnecessarily hold dear, and grab hold of him. And I must say that this week, our circumstances have been so overwhelmingly bleak that all I want is to be taken up to him, and escape, even if for just a brief moment, and be at peace.

So as Paul is speaking this to the Phillipians, I am thinking God is jealous for us, and will take things away until there is nothing left if needed, and see if we will say the same thing. And how timely the situation with Drew, and how sad Adam is for his loss of faith. Coincidence? Never – not with God. He wants us to see – we don’t need to trust in our own capabilities, our plans, our stuff, our insurance policies, our education, our bank account, our common sense …He is ALL we need. And faith is our greatest asset right now. And He wants to make sure we see that, plain as day. So – I will declare that God has a plan for us, He is all we need, He will open the doors needed, and that He loves us so much, so we need not worry about anything. Simple, right?

I think it is a slap in his face when we complain and feel sorry for ourselves, because he has given us so much, and when some worldy strife comes, we grumble. How selfish. But, we are working through this. We are holding onto our faith. We are praising God in the midst of all this. But it is difficult, and not always pretty. I hope we are growing, and that God strengthens us through this, and even in the middle of all this people may see a difference in our characters. I know I do, and He does. Praise God.

a vicious cycle

a vicious cycle that has to be broken:

CO and I got stuck in a cycle that could destroy any marriage. I'm pretty good at making her feel ignored when I come from work. I shower, eat, watch the news, play with Brody, water the plants, and try to straighten up downstairs, then go to sleep. In between all these things I ask her how is she doing and I try to interact with her on a casual level, but her feelings are already hurt by this time, because she knows I want to do something else and she just says I'm tired. Then I just move on to the next thing.

Then she is pretty good at being mean to me, because she is so hurt by me ignoring her. Then I ignore her more because she is being mean. It's HORRIBLE! We both feel like dieing when we get in that cycle. This last time was really hard to stop because of the added stress of being financially bankrupt.

After about a day of yelling and half a day of being sorry and a weekend of cleaning the house TOGETHER, we feel like we are one again and I'm VERY happy. I hope she still is. I have found out that it is real easy to love Brody during those times and I feel our attention gravitates towards him, because at this age he is non-confrontational.

The sad part is that it'll probably happen again, because of who we are. I think the trick to beating it is that as soon as one of us gets hurt, we need to tell the other in a non-defensive way. Which is very hard to do because of pride. I constantly have to remind myself that before I decided to ask CO to marry me, I had to die to me. So everything I want is dead and the only person to give my life back to me is her. She is the one who determines who I can be. That's hard because when we are fighting I feel like in order to make her happy I have to be this little wimpy guy that sits inside all day and cleans the house. The wild in me hates that thought and grabs me by the neck and yells " ARE YOU FREAKING CRAZY! GET OUT OF HERE MAN!".

But I can't because I love her and I want the best for her. Our relationship is very similar to my relationship with Christ. EXCEPT the fact that I gave my life to him, because He is the only one that can give me the best life I can possible have. Which is funny because at this point it looks like complete crap except for CO and Brody. BUT I feel like we are simply in training, kinda like in the Ranger Battalion. In order to be the best, the training usually has to suck really bad. I don't know what God is training us for, but according to the suck factor it's pretty awesome.

(I'm sorry if you don't like the word "suck". My mom doesn't. Sorry mom. But in my years I have not been able to come up with a better one to replace it. It comes from sucking air when you are 100% physically and mentally spent. I feel like I've put in some time in that area. There is nothing left to give and all you can do is SUCK in air. It's the worst condition to be in because you feel weak, vulnerable, hopeless, doubtful, facing the unknown, and wondering if your really about to die.

So if you can think of a word that is as simple, to the point, and carries that weight, I'm all hears and willing to make the change.)

So as for me right now I am at peace. God Loves me more than I can ever imagine. His wisdom can not be made better because it is PERFECT in every way. And His Power is unmatched by all of creation combined, so He can implement his wisdom to make my life the best because he loves me so much.

So when a customer who is younger than I am complains to me about having to trim a tree for his $60,000 dock, that will support his $25,000 boat lift, that will hold his $100,000 boat, that he wants to sit in front of his 1.5 million dollar house. I just smile and hope he is as blessed as I am to have a relationship with the creator of the Universe.


Bonus pics for reading my thoughts:

This is Brody telling me he doesn't want to be treated like a baby anymore. "I would like to have a real seat where I can sit up and talk like every body else."




Brody learning how to shuffle. Next step is to learn how to control finger movement.

Three Months

Time is flying, the boy is growing...I can hardly believe it. He gets bigger and stronger all the time, and the drool volume increases as well - as you can see.

He is getting tired of lying down - he would rather stand or sit. He is growing out of being swaddled, and rocked to sleep, he prefers to sit in my lap and lean up against me. He keeps wanting to grow up - and i already miss the tiny little guy i gave birth to. But - I also enjoy watching him learn and observe the world around him. I love every day I have to spend with him, he is such a blessing.

father and son...

weekend in pictures

well - we made it back to BPK, and all 3 of us exhausted! Brody and I had a whirlwind weekend, trying to pack everything in 4 days. Before we left, Adam and Brody and i went to the beach for a picnic dinner. Then we all got up and drove up to Ft. Lauderdale to catch our flight. Saturday, we went to my friend Kelly's for a cookout - we had to leave early for my niece Mackenzie's 6th birthday party. Everything was, once again, pink. She had fun I believe, and got lots of good stuff. Brody, Mackenzie, and I spent the night at my dad and Susan's. We watched the Princess Bride, and played with Crystal and Chris, Mackenzie's new dolls. Crystal was a baby that Mackenzie needed to "feed with nursing", like Aunt Christine and Brody do. So that was interesting. On Monday, mom and I took Brody to the pool where he had his first dip...and as far as I could tell, he loved it.

So - there was a lot more I wanted to do, and I wish I could have caught up with some people for a bit longer, but we did have a good time. Flying with Brody alone was exhausting. But, the airport people, my neighbors in the seats beside me, and lots of strangers were all very helpful, and I learned that it is much easier to get what you want when you have an inconsolable screaming baby attached to you. :)

Well - Enjoy the pictures - taken from our camera that was run over by the Jeep - pretty good, huh.

shrinkage of my concious universe

My wife has blessed me and this blog site with her love for God and for me through her great writing ability. Her words are very encouraging and for a lack of a good $1 word, I must say "disciplinary". She has made me out to be better than I really am. My heart wants to be all she says I am, but reality hits me square in the eyes and I must say I am not the man she portrays me as.

I will say this though. I am persistent. I have failed too many times to count, but I get back up and try again. I have not loved her the way I should, but I'm trying harder. I have been shaken to the core of my faith and have doubted everything I have ever believed in. I have not made decisions based on God's word or revelation, because I've been too impatient or selfish. My sins have swamped me into a horrible state of self pity and hopelessness.

But! I repent and refocus on God's Love, Wisdom, and Power. I find 5 minutes of peace. I get up and rededicate 100% of my life to Him, for the 150,000 time. I am made NEW! and in my newness, I am as she says I am.

SO! mistake number 150,001 was dropping my wife and son off at the airport and driving off. Thanks to God's power of correction, he let my conscious universe shatter.

When I was born I can imagine that my conscious universe was made up of just me.
Then it was just me and my mom,
then me, mom, and dad.
then our house
then my sisters
then my yard
then the woods
then the dirt road I lived on
then the woods across the road
then school
then my friends house
then the country club
then my neighborhood, (which was interesting for our neighbors)
then everything between my neighborhood and my friends neighborhood.
then everything between my neighborhood and my friends neighborhood and the country club.
then our farm land and my friends farm land.
then colquitt county.
then Georgia.
then the United States.
then planet earth.
then planet earth and Christine.
then planet earth, Christine, and Brody.
then Christine and Brody.
then Bamm! I drop my universe off at the airport and drive away.

Well I didn't realize my universe had shrunk to such a small degree until I left them at the airport to travel off into the world without me. I didn't cry, but did some bad driving, yelling, cursing, and funny sounding whimpering noises that still has me a little confused. That's not going to happen again. Not for a long time anyway. I know Brody and our other kids "to be" will grow up and leave the house one day. But as for right now! We all go or nobody goes.

I thought I was doing the responsible thing by staying here and working and earning money so we can live. The world may say that's right, but my heart says it's wrong. God wants me to be with my family and that's it. sorry world, but your on hold for the next 20 years.

I feel like God just hit me over the head with a sledge hammer. God will provide for me and my house. He wants me with the house.

So! what ever happens, it'll happen to all of us. well, for the next 18-22 years anyway, God willing.

That all happened on my 38 birthday, which was Friday 13th, not that it means anything, but you know.

Anyway... Let this be a reminder to me in the future. When companies offer $$$$$$ or family, I choose family. When Captain selfish takes over the helm, the Ray family law has been laid by little electrons that make black lines on a white screen for all to see. My place in this world is with my family.

Happy Birthday Adam!!

No, this is not Adam writing to or about himself, it’s his wife, Christine. I am posting this one day early due to the fact that we must get up at 3am tomorrow to drive to the Ft. Lauderdale airport – Brody and I are taking to the air to visit family and friends in North Carolina.

This is our 4th year of celebrating his birthday together, and I am so amazed at where our life has taken us. I always knew that as we grew closer together in marriage, I would grow to love Adam more, and that our catalog of memories would of course grow as well. What I have valued the most, though, is how much he has taught me in the process. I have learned from him how to be more patient, more loving, how to sail -and I love it, how to receive positive criticism, how to embrace the day – not to dwell in the muck, the power of a smile, that laughter truly is the best medicine, and that at the end of the day, the fact that we are together is the most important thing. With Adam, life never ceases to be an adventure, something he told me the afternoon he proposed to me, not in so many words. Well, that has proven to be true, and although I have fought it just about every step of the way, his adventures have taught me a lot about myself, I am stronger and smarter for them all, and we are closer as a result.

We have both had the blessed opportunity to be each other’s rocks in the midst of tough times, and through these growing times, he has given me the strength to keep going, and has encouraged me every step of the way. I thank God all the time for giving me this life with Adam, and not only to be able to walk side by side with him, but also to benefit from all he has experienced before I was ever in the picture.

When you meet a man after God’s heart, that is a blessing, when you are friends with one, even more so. When you have the privelege to be married to such a man, there is true honor in that. God is trusting me with his precious child, and that says a lot.

So, I am truly grateful for Adam, and thank God for creating such a great guy, and I love Adam so much for letting me hang out with him for the next 50 years.

Adam, I thank you for 3 great years of you loving me so well, and for all you have given me of yourself. You are an amazing husband and father, and I am so glad we are experiencing all of this together. You are such an example of true faith, humility, and love. Thank you, and happy birthday, babe. I love you with all that I have in this heart of mine!

“There are many times that I feel the presence of the Lord as I lay in bed at night praying quietly to him, or am taken away by a sunset and the brilliant colors it casts into the evening sky, or am quieted by the sound of the breeze blowing through the trees in the afternoon, or I cannot help but smile with a renewed sense of life when I see how at dawn the sun rays dance through the mist of the morning and glimmer atop the leaves. At times like these the glimpses of the glory of our Creator fills my heart so full that I cannot even imagine the joy of seeing heaven itself. My most enjoyable and real moments of intimacy with the Lord have been in peaceful solitude. But I am learning now that the Lord has only just begun to show me the vastness of this mysterious love. For He has not only first given me new life in Him and many moments of shared love alone with Him, but now He has also given me a beautiful friendship with another one of his children as a means of showing His love. A child that is so dearly loved and cherished by Him. One who he knows from head to toe, such that He knows every thought in his mind, every word he will speak. One who was created uniquely for good works that our great God has prepared already for him. One whose desire runs so deep within his soul to know his Savior that he will travel to the edge of all that he knows to experience the power of the relationship all the more intensely. A child whose relationship with the Lord is so close that his heart beats with the very life that the Holy Spirit gives him. A child whose smile will melt my heart in a second, and whose passion to go beyond life as we have defined it makes my heart race with excitement. A child whose embrace is strong and comforting. A child who knows the love of his Father so intimately that he loves to share that love, he cannot help but share that love. A child who will fight anything that hinders his total commitment to the Source of all that he is, and all that he longs to be. God’s love radiates from within him in such a way that my heart hurts it is so overwhelmed with experiencing and sharing in this love. And it is at these times that I realize how vast this love is that our Father wants to give to us. It is at these times I feel so loved by Him for showing this love for me through this beautiful child of His. It is at these times that I want nothing more than to give all I have to this child and for us together to worship our great and loving God.”

getting voicemail is now romantic...

Adam just got his phone hooked up with YouMail (www.youmail.com)...an internet cell phone messaging service, and he can leave personalized voice mail messages for specific phone numbers. So, when I call his phone, i get a special "I love you " message. Now, ain't that sweet? It is now more difficult to get mad at him for not answering his phone, when the voice mail says to me, "Hey baby, I love you, but I can't get to the phone right now, I will call you back, I promise. I love you!". Pure genius. All of you "busy" people should check this out - it will at least put a smile on your friends' faces while they are wondering why you are not answering the phone...and it's free :)

the good, the bad, and the ugly

the Good:I finished the kitchen. this is before.

This is after.

before (notice the WALL) in which I was 98% sure it was not a supporting wall. It was not until after removing it and seeing the dry wall separating it from the joist was I 100% sure.

after.

there are still some trim to do around the island, but other than that, DONE!
The counter top was made from the 2x4 from the wall. I screw them together side by side and tiled on top, then trimmed with wood.
the counter top weighs over 100lbs at least.

One of my helpers

He really loved the drill, he couldn't quite hold it, so I would pick up what ever needed drilling, put it in position, then he would hit the trigger.

just kidding

the bad:
Yesterday I was changing the alternator in the jeep. 1st time I have ever done it so I took pictures before I started so I would have something to go by. I finished in no time at all and while I was celebrating my mechanic skills, I took the jeep out on a test drive with the camera sitting on the passenger side dash board. Those who know me also know I NEVER have doors on my jeep. SO, the 1st left turn sent my camera out of the jeep, onto the road, and under my back tire. $400 down the drain. I must say that it was the 1st electronic device I have EVER broken. for those who know me, they know it is a pretty good record since I've owned numerous electronic devices starting with a cell phones since 1993.

the ugly:
I'm enjoying my work. We had a job in Key West, which is 35 minutes by car and about 1.5 hours by barge. How do I know this? Well, I rode a barge over there to install a boat lift. It was absolutely the best day of work I ever had. Paid to be on the water, (a dream come true). Not to mention the excitement of going under a bridge at high tide.

I was the spotter that told the captain if we had clearance or not. I said we did, but it will be REAL close. So he motored ahead. Half way under the bridge I changed my mind. Well... the captain isn't that kind of guy, so he just slowed down a little. After some loud discussions and me acting like a little school girl watching her cat being mangled by a dog, we actually cleared the bridge. It was so close the only reason I'm sure we cleared is because I didn't hear or see a scrape under the bridge. Terry the captain is still making fun of me. I simply say my inexperience in that particular situation must not be out shadowed by the fact that I said we would clear it when I had a good line of sight.

As it turned out we burned up all our luck under the bridge, because a 2 day job has turned into 5 days and counting.

Update

I'm currently working at Lifetime Dock and Lumber. I spend my day building Docks and boat lifts for the super rich who live on the water. My office has a great view and the guy I work with is a Christian, so it's the best of both worlds. I feel like I'm on vacation compared to the misery of teaching.

Last week we went to St. Augustine, where my family rented a house on the ocean. This year has been the year of grandsons for my parents. Bo, the oldest, just started a 15 month tour in Afghanistan. He has already seen a little combat, which is a great learning experience if you can live through it. I'm jealous. Parker and Luke graduated from high school and are on their way to college. I'm not jealous. (it's funny how I'd rather be shot at than go to school.) John Buck made the all stars in baseball and is traveling around Ga. winning tournaments. And then there is the new guy! Brody, born April 24, has added the special little seasoning to an already tasty "family" soup.
Leah is the only girl; which makes her special everyday.

I really enjoy the personalities of all of them. I had to come back after 4 days to start work and realized how much I miss being with everybody. I'm sure Brody has created a deeper sense of family in me and has made me want to be more apart of my family. I feel like I'm moving farther and farther away from the guy who wanted to sail to Fiji. I still want to, but now I want to take about 15 people with me. That is a bigger boat than the original plan called for.

CO and our son was with my Dad on Father's day in Ga. and I was at the bottom of Fl. So to combat my family missing sickness I decided to remodel the kitchen. We have talked about doing it ever since we moved in, but it has always seemed to be too big of a project. So! I tore out a wall, ripped up the floor, took out 40% of the cabinets, before I realized I just opened a big can of stuff I got to get done before CO comes back home. I thought that I would surprise her, but I got scared on Monday and told her about it, so she could have time to pray and let God give her some supernatural grace to deal with my overzealous-ness or whatever it is that causes me to do stuff like this.

I've also starting to clean the bottom of boats -a dirty job, but it pays well. It feels like you're swimming in a chum bucket while you're scrubbing and scrapping. The business is called Maintenance Down Under, and if you have tried calling the house that is what has been on the answering machine.

Well, I'll leave you with some pictures.

"The ocean is smaller than I thought it would be."


"MOM!!!! I hate this hat!!"


"But...I am on the beach!"


"Mom! I don't want another picture, I want to go swimming! "


"Let's see who's foot is bigger"


family


cousins,Parker and Brody, Brody is on the right and Parker is on the left.

Brody rolling on his side

june 5th was the last day I had to deal with school! maybe the happiest day of my life. I feel like I can breathe again.

june 6th was the 1st day at Lifetime dock and Lumber. I build docks and install boat lifts. So far it has been really fun. I work with a bunch of guys that like to work hard and "get 'er done". Yesterday it rained all day, so they put me to work on sharpening drill bits. Nobody there has been able to do it so they gave it to me. Guess where the drill bits came from. You guessed it. My old plant, Kennametal IPG in Augusta Ga. I thought it was funny

Here is a video of Brody rolling on his side. He has been doing it for a while, but just wasn't ready to let it be public information yet. He is a humble little man.

happy video

Brody holding his head up

I hope the video works, I'm trying something new. In the military we called this the prone position. Of course Brody is in the modified prone position, it's called "poke your head up over the bunker when nobody is shooting."




if it doesn't work try this link:
http://s149.photobucket.com/albums/s76/adamray41/?action=view¤t=_0017.flv

Time to start training

Brody has been practicing sitting up and wants to show off a little.
His mama doesn't think the video is appropriate because he needs a little more practice. I think we should video the progress.

life other than Brody, kinda

a friend of mine, lets call him Jason, came down during spring break to go fishing. Being the true fisherman that he is, caught 2 nice size snapper. They tasted awesome!



I on the other hand caught everything from a 3" long lobster in tangled in the grass on my hook; to this seagull trying to get a free lunch. The bird survived, but I almost died from laughing at my friend Nick trying to save the bird.



this was taken during a contraction. The last picture of Brody in CO.

I found this guy swimming snorkeling at bahia honda with my family.

I got a new sail and boom!!! One morning on the way to school somebody was giving away a rundown sailboat. I tried to get it to the house, but it was too big and needed more time and money than I have right now. So while the boat was mine I took the parts I needed and gave away the rest. First come first serve kinda thing. Now I just have to fix the flat tire on the trailer and make another strong anchor point for the fore stay that broke free during the storm and I'm back in business

I also got a free 16ft aluminum starcraft boat on a trailer that was abandoned. I thought I could use the boat, but once again it was too big for my motor and it needed some work. I thought I could use the trailor for my boat, but it turns out I need a new axle and leaf springs, so who knows when I'm going to find those.

I want to clear up any images of "adam the junk collector" that might be forming in your brain. This practice of gathering is for only 1 purpose: TO GET ON THE WATER. One must be creative and resourcful if the desire to experience the wind and waves is heavy and the wallet is light.

Speaking of light wallets, I also got a job for the summer installing boat davits and building docks down here. It's a highly respected company and the pay and benefits are OK but not enough. I'll do that while looking for an Engineering job and trying to create work as an all around handy man. I keep loosing my grip on the fact that God will provide, but co has become an incredible source of strength and encouragement. When did she get so strong and mature in faith?

3 weeks

A friend of mine, let's call him Chip, said that this blog is almost as entertaining as a World War II book he is reading. I'm sure he is exaggerating, but sometimes on this end it feels that way.

Brody has been living a life of adventure so far.
2 Key West Sunsets
several trips to the Big Pine Flea Market (the main attraction on Big Pine)
A couple of laps down Duval street.
Dinner in 3 very nice restaurants.
A day by the pool at the Hyatt, Key West.
Watching the palm trees before a storm at the Banana Bay Resort.
Listened to some Jazz on the rooftop of the Rum Barrel.

And lets not forget being butt naked on a cold metal scale at the docters office.

CO asked the DOC about his unsoothable fussiness sometimes and the doctor said it could be just boredom. CO freaked out a little because she was thinking if he gets bored with all this action at 3 weeks, we're going to need to plan on climbing Mt. Everest before he is 2.

I'm Sorry I haven't uploaded anymore pictures. I kinda tried something new with the blog and it has me bogged down. CO is doing real good other than having not slept over 4 hours at one time in 3 weeks. Brody's poop doesn't stink yet and getting puked on isn't as bad as I thought it would be. So life is good.

God really planned this thing out well. I feel like we are in the practice phase before he becomes "active". We have a huge head start on this relationship. We get to develop our diaper changing technique before the stink bombs hit and we get to learn his personality and characteristics before he starts putting them to work. It's very nice. Or at least that's my perspective.

The most interesting thing for me is the feelings I have for him. I thought I would experience this whole new realm of love as soon as he was born, but it hasn't been that way. It's been kinda like getting a new toy that you've wanted for a long time. You enjoy holding it, looking at it, interacting with it, and learning what it does and doesn't do.

BUT! instead of getting use to it and the newness wearing off, I'm enjoying it more and more. It seems like he is new every time I see him. I'm sure CO doesn't feel that way after a day of restlessness, but with me going to work and coming home, it's like I'm seeing him for the first time all over again, but better.

AND! I can not forget about the trust factor, WOW WEE! When it was just me, I trusted God with my life, but it was more like what happens happens. When I married CO I had to trust God to protect her, because the thought of loosing her is too scary to think about. NOW! with Brody, I'm having to trust God with more than I every could have imagined. Not only would it crush me, but it would devastate CO. And then there is Brody. It's 1 times 2 times 3 times the pain! That's 9 times the pain. OUCH!

I'm realizing now that when people decide not to have children because they just don't want to deal with the hassle, I think that is just pretty STUPID! and insignificant compared to the possibility of something happening to them.

I feel like my heart is dangling at the end of a rope in turbulent wind and rain over a bottomless gorge . I couldn't handle it without knowing that God's Love, Wisdom and Power is in full effect over the situation. It's funny how He keeps on making the load heavier and heavier, where there is no way I can carry it myself. I have to give it to him.

It seems like the more I trust him with stuff the more real His peace feels.

2 weeks

So far it's been pretty fun. Brody is turning out to be a very inquisitive fellow. He loves to look at stuff, even though they say he can't really see good. He sure does a good job faking it. I keep getting the feeling he is about to make a comment about something he is looking at.

When people are around talking he has to be there in the middle of it, watching. It's almost scary because I feel like he is thinking "as soon as I learn how to talk I'll straighten these people out". If it wasn't for the pooping and crying I'd think he was the smartest person in the room. I left out feeding because every man wouldn't mind hanging out on the boob 6-8 time a day, if was socially acceptable.

Last weekend we took him down Duval street (the main drag)
He might be the youngest person to ever do the "Duval Crawl", so to speak. He watched his 2nd sunset like he had seen a million of them, as people walked by and admired his cuteness.

His 1st sunset was on his 1 week anniversary. We figured since he was born in Key West it is only fitting the boy has a start he can brag about.
"I've been watching sunsets since I was 1 week old" For all the women readers, you've got to understand it's just a man thing.

Of course it was his mama that did the honors, I was home sick in bed. I'm sure he'll give me a hard time about it later.

CO is doing really good and can't wait until Brody thinks of her as more than just the mobile food machine. My mom has been extremely helpful. She is like the baby whisperer. We are going to start recording her to watch how she puts the peace on him. I'm thinking it's prayer, but she does have a great deal of skill when it comes to pleasing others. Especially little cute people.