i (this is christine here) wrote this string of thoughts about two and a half years ago - what i was in such deep thought about i have no idea, but i pull this up every once in awhile and am truly amazed at my insight. this post has been relevent to me over and over again - and in the throes of my unsettling circumstances and times of real struggle with myself, i am jealous for this kind of strength of mind. so - enjoy, it may appeal to you as well.
What do I say when the Lord strikes me down with the almost paralyzing realities that the ones I love will never be enough, or that I will always be a disappointment to someone, or that no one will love and pursue me like Jesus, or that heaven is within sight but not yet a place I can dwell in, or that life is just plain unfair, people are mean, days come and go uneventfully at times, people I love will get hurt, those I love will die…unsaved, and some of my dreams will never be fulfilled in this lifetime – at least not the way I imagined. What do I say to these things? Praise be to God Almighty, who created the heavens and the earth, who has been to the past and the future and has carefully fulfilled his plan for the redemption of his people – in His time. I fall down and worship the most powerful Being who brings the destruction and blessings upon this earth for reasons I cannot understand.
What do I say when I am brought to tears by my brokenness? As my tears fall on me, I kneel before the throne of God, thanking him for his relentless pursuit of my heart. As the ache within me resonates through my weak body, I feel the hand of God on me, loving me in a strange yet awesome way. A love that hurts, a love that reveals true life, a love that brings me out of myself, a love that binds me even more to Christ, and a love that never ceases.
And then, I look out one morning on a sky that is so majestic it’s as if God himself crowned the dawn with a crown of fire blazing on the horizon, emanating through the trees and fields and rivers with colors no one has yet given a name to. And as I embrace this beauty that God created for his glory, my eyes well up with tears of joy at the overwhelming truth that I was created for that same glory. And not only that, but that this beauty that takes my breath away is but a taste of heaven – and eternity seems more than a vague notion, it is the reality of the hope I am banking my whole life upon.
And in this brief moment, I see the importance of the journey. I see how the hurt and difficulties I experience are developing me into a daughter of God. I feel more a part of the Kingdom that I live for. The world fades a hint more in my weak eyes, and the voice of my Jesus that whispers to me becomes louder than ever before.
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