God's situation or Our situation

Finding out about the inner "man" can be a scary thing. The first thing to keep in mind is that the inner man does not just pop out real easy, so you can get a good look at it, and then tuck back in, out of the way. Usually there has to be a lot of pressure on the outside or on the inside to find out what your inner "man" looks like. And once it pops out you can't tuck it away and forget about it. You have to deal with it, or go into denial in order to forget about it. Well CO and I are walking around inside out. Our weaknesses are exposing each others weaknesses. We are working through it, but it's not easy. The pressure comes from teaching, the house, feeling trapped, bored, and not being able to do what we want to do. It’s probably just like everyone’s pressure, but that fact does not bring relief from the pressure.

We have both decided that teaching is not our thing and it's not worth the trouble we face everyday in telling kids what to do and what not to do, when they only want to do what they want to do - and tend to be placated by their community (comment added by CO). Everybody knows what I'm talking about. It’s a fact of life, but there are good ways and bad ways to deal with it. I have my opinion, but it’s only based on 1.25 years of experience.

Also the fact that dealing with the whole school situation is something we just cannot seem to understand. In the business world we didn’t always agree with the decisions, but we understood where it was trying to go or the motivation behind it. The way the school operates is just beyond my logical thinking. I’m not saying I’m right and they are wrong. I’m saying I don’t understand the way they think, so it seems illogical. Bottom line is-We are just tired of it and we want to be Engineers.

The problem now is getting out of the situation we are in. I would like to stay in the keys, but Christine feels trapped because there is no where to go and nothing to do if your not in the mood to go to the beach or go boating. Even though I love those things, I understand what she is talking about because I even look forward to going to the mainland just to see all the stuff. I also understand the cost of living is through the roof and we have not found a way to make a living other than teaching.

So as of right now we are going to try to get jobs up in North Carolina around Raleigh. Christine has always wanted to go back home, so to speak, and there are a lot of good opportunities up there. I'm looking forward to getting an engineering job again. My arms have improved a lot and I've learned some stretching techniques that help. It will just have to be a trust God thing, which is always really hard, but very rewarding.

We are going to try to sell the house in January and if we sell it before we find jobs then we'll just rent somewhere month to month. We really need to find jobs! The biggest problem is that CO is going to be out of work when she has the baby and will not be getting any money. My salary alone cannot float our situation. So if I get a job offer I might not be able to wait until the end of the year to start. Anyway there are a lot of scenarios that are going to making 2007 very interesting for the Ray team.

When I realized that we needed to move, I was really sad and angry, because I love this place so much. How much I love this place, has been a problem for me ever since I got down here. I was hoping and praying so hard for CO to fall in love with this place, that I was not paying attention to her feelings and it led us to buy this house, which may turn out to be the biggest mistake we have ever made.

My desire to go sailing, snorkeling, diving, fishing, and just being on and in the water has nearly driven me into a permanent state of discontentment. I could spend all day on the water and be mad the next day that I wasn't on the water. I wasn't happy unless I was on the water. I realized that isn't healthy and my feelings were so strong it was borderline psychotic. I'm pretty sure it was taking God's place as the center of my life. I don't want that, so I think if we move away at least I won't have that problem and I can focus my attention on CO and the baby.

It is also a great exercise in my faith and love for God. I know if I seek him first then I will be satisfied no matter where I am or what I'm doing. It's only when my focus falls off away from Jesus that my dissatisfaction swells up within me. I also realize if we never live in place like this again, this place being a place I love this much, then it's not a big deal because the place where I'm going to spend eternity is 1,000,000 times better and that makes me happy.